Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
