If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
