you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
