a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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