The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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