I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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