she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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