I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
