I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize