So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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