Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
