my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize