Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
