you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
