my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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