She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
