i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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