Your face is a jimmy john
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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