so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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