remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i out mim tonsoeep
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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