I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
