I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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