This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
