Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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