Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
