i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
