i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
