Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Fuck appropriateness.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
