Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize