someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
