TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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