Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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