i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
