If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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