if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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