I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
