shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize