24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The struggles of a small town man whore
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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