So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
