i think i scared a bird with my dick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
