Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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