My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
