i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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