I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
