I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
youre lurking in front of me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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