We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize