Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
