I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
