i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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