the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
