I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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