This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
