i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize