Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
