We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
