do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
either way he was missing a nipple.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
