my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
