Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
