I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
