I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
