its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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