Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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