I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
