At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
