K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize