I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
