You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
