Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
