Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just found a bag of teeth...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
