how can u be prego again
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
