In the future we'll all be gay
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
