It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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