i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
