Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
