Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
