I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize