So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Please don't give away my fajitas
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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