So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
