They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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