you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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