The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize