In the future we'll all be gay
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
