I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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