Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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