no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
