my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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