Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
how does that bad decision feel?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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