Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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