I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
