Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
