best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
