i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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