My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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