So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
